What Coaching Can and Can’t Do for You
Unknown: Hello, I'm Davina
Frederick. And I'd like to
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So today's topic was inspired by
a conversation I had recently
about coaching, specifically the
value of coaching. Full
disclaimer, most of you realize
by now that I am a business
coach for women law firm owners.
So it's probably not going to
come as a surprise to you that I
am a fan of good coaching. Not
only has it have I seen the
benefits of for my own women,
law firm owner clients, but I
myself have years of experience
as a coaching client. I've hired
multiple coaches through the
years to help me grow my
business. Done Right. I believe
coaching can be very powerful.
However, coaching, like
everything else in life is no
magic pill. If you've ever paid
for a personal trainer, and
you've stopped showing up at
your gym after the first few
sessions, then you get it right.
personal coaching only works if
you participate in it. So today,
I want to discuss what a coach
can and can't do for you. If
you're trying to decide whether
you should hire a coach to help
you achieve your goals in any
aspect of your life. Really,
whether that's growing your
business or achieving some
health goals or relationship
goals. Whatever it is, you'll be
clear on what it means to hire a
coach what they can and can't do
for you. So let's dive in. So a
good coach can help you level
with yourself. Now what do I
mean by that? Well, let me
illustrate by sharing a personal
story with you. Back at the
beginning of year I hired a
professional to help me figure
out why I wasn't losing weight.
I was what my grandmother called
lanky for most all of my life up
until I turned 40 in my late 30s
and early 40s. I was in law
school. And basically all I did
was sit read and stress eat and
gain 30 pounds in the process.
10 of them just from graduation
to the bar exam. My husband used
to come into my office when I
was studying for the bar, and he
would say chocolate covered
almonds are your only friend
right now are they and we laugh,
because he wasn't wrong. In
2008, my husband and I bought a
CrossFit gym. Now at the time,
CrossFit was not really big on
the East Coast, we were only the
third CrossFit here in all of
Central Florida. And we opened
ours at the same time as the
second one did. I began to
workout really hard, I
eventually lost some weight, and
I became certified as a personal
trainer at CrossFit trainer. And
I even helped a lot of my
clients lose weight. However, in
the years of followed, it was
really up and down for me. So I
must have lost and gained the
same five or 10 pounds over and
over again. When I hit my 50s my
waistline completely
disappeared. And I began to take
medication for issues associated
with being overweight. So I
vacillated probably from sizes
10 and 12. And for some people
size 1012 may not be overweight,
but for me at my height. It
definitely was. And I hired a
coach to help me understand
that while I can help other
people lose weight, I continue
to struggle with this problem.
And I added it up and it's been
about 15 years that I've been
kind of struggling with it. And
so I really wanted to get to the
bottom of it and just conquer
this kind of issue for myself
once and for all. And I have to
tell you, I did not have a good
attitude about it. But bless her
heart. This coach really stuck
with me and she really helped me
to reframe some of the thoughts
and beliefs I had built up
around this issue. One of the
things that she did was
challenged me to level with
myself about what I was really
doing or not doing to overcome
this issue. So you see, while I
thought I was cutting calories,
or I was eating low carb or I
was exercising enough. What I
was really doing was not any of
that at least not as much as my
56 year old body and sedentary
lifestyle requires. So I wasn't
happy when she Started with the
whole level yourself level with
your self concept because I knew
that it was going to challenge
the stories. I've been telling
myself about how I was
different, that there was
something genetic or there was
something hormonally wrong. And
now that I'm in my 50s, it's
just the way that is. So you
know, and I went through this
kind of feeling sorry for
myself, why can't I eat like
everybody else, it doesn't seem
fair. But let me tell you, what
I began to level with myself
about my thoughts and beliefs
around this weight loss loss
issue. And the excuses I was
making and the lies, I was
believing that everything really
began to shift for me, and the
weight started coming off at a
really steady pace. And it's
continued to come off. Because I
realized that there are certain
things that I need to do for my
body that other people may not
need to do to get the same
results. But that's okay. We're
all unique. And that's just the
way it is right. And once I got
real with myself, I really
leveled with myself, I was able
to make the changes. So a good
coach can really help you level
with yourself and get you
thinking about where you may be
not in alignment with your
thoughts and beliefs. Number
two, a good coach cannot care
more than you do. So while a
good coach can show up for you
and hold space for you to share
your thoughts and emotions
around a particular issue. And
good coach could offer ideas and
tools to help you reframe, and
get moving forward toward your
goals. They cannot care more
than you do. And I know this
from personal experience,
because I've both been this
client. And I've dealt with this
issue with my own clients, as a
business coach for attorneys as
a fitness coach.
Even as an attorney, when you're
dealing with clients, and they,
they won't put in the effort to
do what needs to be done to
handle their own case, right? A
coach can only do their part,
any professional can only do
their part, they cannot do our
part, you know your part as a
client, that that's the way it
is with any relationship really,
when you think about it, whether
it's a professional
relationship, or personal one, I
can want something for you
really badly. But if you don't
want it, it doesn't matter what
I want. And perhaps you have
another relationship in your
life, like this, you may have a
spouse or a friend where you
really want them to make
changes, you want something for
them. And you you know, you've
learned the hard way that unless
they want it, you can't change
it right, we only have the power
to change ourselves. So that's
something that no matter how
good a coach is, they can't care
more than you do about your
problem. So that brings me to
number three on my list, which
is a good coach, a good coach
cannot do the work for you.
Alright, a good coach can
provide a framework, a system
tools and techniques, even
encouragement. And if you're
like I am, I'm a coach and a
consultant, I often will share,
you know, specific advice or
ideas for people, for them to
consider and make decisions
about whether or not it's right
for them. But no matter how good
a coach is for you in terms, you
know, they can't do the work for
you in terms of business
coaching. It's your business and
not their business. And the
ultimate responsibility to make
decisions can apply what you've
learned is yours and yours
alone. And you really can't even
look to your team to ever buy
into something if you are not
willing first to believe in it
and take action on it. As the
leader of a law firm business,
your job is to keep and hold the
vision and to inspire your team
to support you in the execution
of that vision. So, you know, a
good coach can show up every
every appointment that they said
they would show up and talk with
you about the same things over
and over again. But if you don't
comply it and take action,
you'll get to the end of your
coaching experience without
having made changes. A good
coach can require you to put
some skin in the game and teach
you how to hold yourself
accountable, but they cannot
make you accountable that really
is on you. So they might require
you to sign a contract for an
extended period of time to pay
for their services and advance
or pay monthly or pay for their
services period. Make you turn
in homework or or or ask you to
turn in homework really. They
may show up on certain days and
you know may encourage you to
share your progress with others
or your struggles with others.
But it is illegal for coaches
attorneys or any other
professionals to drive your
house, strap you in a chair and
you know make you watch hours of
video trainings or do anything
take any action Right, we, we
can't physically force a client
to do it, you can't, as an
attorney, I can't, as an
attorney, I can't as a coach,
it's just not how it works,
right? You have to put some skin
in the game. And say, this is
something that I really do
invest the time energy and
treasurer into. And when you
make that commitment, you will
be holding yourself accountable.
And that is really the key. So
some of us and some of us need
structure, right? To get that
accountability. So some of us
work better in a structured
environment. And so coaching
sets up that sort of structure
for us. And once we've made that
investment in it, then then that
is the thing that holds us
accountable, because we don't
want to lose out on the
potential return on that
investment. Right.
A good coach can also help you
discover what you didn't even
know that you didn't know. So
when I started my own law firm
business, I thought I knew quite
a bit about how to run a
business. And I did a pretty
good job. But oh man, if I had
only known what I did not know,
my life, during that time would
have been so much easier. And my
business so much more access
successful than it was. And I
know, you have this experience,
not only as a business owner,
but as as an attorney, right?
When you're first starting out,
and you're a baby lawyer,
there's a whole lot that you
don't even know you don't know.
And so that's why it's important
to have people in your life to
help you figure things out, as
well as doing your own study and
research. So someone who has
really been where you are, and
maybe they've coached other with
goals similar to yours, will
have a depth of knowledge that
can be key to you making a
quantum leap in your growth both
personally and in your business.
So when I've hired coaches to
help me, I've hired coaches to
help me with very specific
changes that I need to make. And
oftentimes, those coaches would
show me and share with me,
really illuminate for me things
that I didn't even know that I
didn't know that I was missing
that I needed. And sometimes
that can be a mindset thing. And
sometimes it can be a specific
language, or a strategy, or a
tactic. There's all kinds of
things that we just don't know,
we don't know. And that comes
with doing and experience. And
good coaches can help you sort
of short circuit that learning
process and get to where you
want to go faster. And then
finally, on my list today, all
those is probably not an
exhaustive list, by me on my
list today is a good coach can
help you get clear on next
steps, and really help you see
your way to take those steps.
Oftentimes, we have lots of
ideas and thoughts swirling
around in our head, especially
for entrepreneurial people,
right, which once you have owned
your own business, you know, you
start to develop that kind of
thinking. And you often will
come up with all kinds of ideas.
But it can be hard to move from
idea to a point of execution on
an idea. And our ideas are
really only as good as our
ability to execute on those
ideas. So good coaches can help
you sort through those thoughts.
And really get clarity and nail
down those next steps. So you
can move from being a dreamer to
a doer in a way that does not
require you to be the actual
DOER of everything yourself,
right? So good coaches can be
those those people that can help
you
really get clear and get clarity
around your own thoughts so you
can advance and move forward
towards your goals. Coaching is
not for everyone, if you are not
code what I call a coachable,
right, if you're not open to
learning new skills and
abilities, you're not open to
letting go old thoughts and
beliefs that no longer serve
you. You're not open to
listening as somebody helps you
try to reframe something or
you're not open to putting in
the work right you know that it
takes to grow. If you're not
willing to be uncomfortable
sometimes, then you're likely
not going to be a good candidate
for coaching. Because when
you're trying to grow any skill
set any in any personal
development or professional
development in your life. It is
going to require being open
minded and being willing to be
uncomfortable at moments and put
yourself out there and have your
beliefs and thoughts challenged.
But if you have some really big
dreams and you're open to asking
and receiving guidance and help
towards achieving those dreams,
then coaches hiring a good coach
can really be life changing. So
that's it for today's episode.
If you'd like to know more about
how to set up systems that not
only support you and your team
but your clients as well, then I
want you to check out my new
training. It's called seven
essential systems. Every law
firm needs to scale to seven
figures, plus three mistakes to
avoid. The registration link is
in the show notes. I've also
written a brand new book on this
topic, how n n is the wealth
woman lawyers guide to building
a systems driven law firm
business, so you might want to
grab that as well. And I really
thank you for being here today.
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